Throughout my life, I can never remember a time when I have been thin. Elementary school through now, I have always been one of the taller and larger girls within my group of friends. I didn't really start to notice the substantial difference with my body until I started middle school. I consider myself to be an outgoing and humorous person, so my body image was just something I never really cared much about until I hit high school.
Puberty, the time most (if not all) girls dread. I had an 8 inch growth spurt during the time I was 13, and developed normally as any female does. However, something wasn't quite right. By the time I was 16, I had visited several specialists and doctors all over the state. After a while, I was given the Diagnosis of PCOS, or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Which causes extreme hormone variances and imbalances, and very commonly, excess weight and being unable to lose it. I began to get extremely self conscious, always worrying about what people thought of me and what they thought when they looked at me. I thought I would never find a guy who thought I was beautiful. So, after this diagnosis, I tried for several months to lose the weight that I had just seemed to always have. 10 months later, after a VERY strict diet and strenuous exercise, I found myself just shy of 12 pounds lighter, with a head full of defeat.
Along with this disease, comes a severe chance of infertility. Me? Possibly not able to have children? No way. I didn't think this could be possible. My whole life, my dream was to have children and bless them in the Lord's name in every way I could. What man could love me, with the excess weight and not being able to give him children? Nobody, I thought. Within the last year, I have been informed that having children will be a miracle for me, and the heartbreak that comes along with that is extreme. But...
Recently, I have come to the realization that I was made in God's image. The ALMIGHTY GOD made ME. He made me with the complications, the troubles, and the extra weight I have always carried with me, and the inability to bear a child. God planned for me to be EXACTLY the way I am. Society has such a skewed version of Beauty and what is expected out of the women in the world.
God has given me a possible opportunity to save an orphaned child instead of bearing my own, to share the love of Christ with a child who may not have gotten it otherwise, and also the knowledge to know that I have a Man that loves me for who I am, and for who I am not. A man will love you for your strength in the Lord, and the Lord himself is going to put that Godly man into your life at the exact time He thinks is right. Let your body and attitude reflect Christ in your actions, and always remember that in the end, God will be the judge, and he looks to your heart, not your thighs. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by none other than the Almighty God himself.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
I'm so thankful I have a friend like Kassity who is willing to share her struggles with all of us! I want to hear your stories, too. I would love to know how you struggled and how you overcame your negative self image (your image of your personality or body) by allowing God to work through you and heal you. Please submit your stories to email@example.com and we may select some of you to be featured on the blog at the end of April!